Usually I’ll have very little to say after the exams have ended. Usually by now I’ll be too busy with plans and being out or I’m just all happy so I have nothing to blog about. For some reason, this year seems to be different.
I don’t know whether it’s hormones or something else.
But I’m currently still feeling quite down even though I was out last night partying away… dancing and singing and having some drinks, celebrating the end of exams. (Thanks V for asking me along. i had a good time 
)
I’m trying to figure out reasons why I’m feeling so depressed.
I guess I’m really bogged down with things that have been happening here in the past year especially the past few months such as…
- Stupid people who don’t keep promises and just DON’T GET IT. I mean, how blunt can you be!?
- The whole pre and post-elections problems. I don’t know if anyone understands the dilemma that I was facing and the crazy emotions throughout the whole process. The decisions made to go for it, the feelings when I won, and then having to turn it all around after having made up my mind and being happy about it. Maybe for some people when put in my position would have done things differently or wouldn’t have the same dilemmas I came across but there were so many factors I had to take into consideration and it just made decisions even harder to make. I can’t help feeling that there are people I know who think I’ve made some very selfish decisions (and maybe I have and I’m extremely sorry) but I truly believe what I did was right.
- Didn’t help that everything happened at such a crucial time of the semester, and the biggest decisions had to be made around those times.
- And this being my third year, and knowing the number of people who fail to make it through the first round puts even more pressure on. But when I’m lacking in confidence that I used to have when it comes to exam time, it just makes it more difficult to study. And what’s worse is the feeling after coming out of a horrible exam knowing you could have done better if you had your mind in the right place and you prepared well for it. And I didn’t. And I’d hate to think of what happens IF I don’t make it through. I mean, I have SO MUCH to look forward to next year. The placements!! I realy want to do them. And I’ve given up the student rep position thinking it would benefit others more since I won’t be around much. And I’ve done so much this year and I’ve been convincing family and friends that no I’m not doing too much and I CAN handle it and to FAIL after all of that would be… catastrophic.
- We can deny it all we want, but I know some friendships seem to be hanging on a string. Whoever said relationships wouldn’t come come in between friendships were wrong. Sure, we can try our best to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible, but having gone through it countless of times, I know things will change. We just need to do our best to adapt.
- After meeting so many people this year, building so many relationships, I still feel like the drifter I was back in high school. When I need someone to call up I don’t know who I should call or who i could call. I sometimes feel it takes so much effort to be happy with the people I’m out with. At least though, this time round I feel like I’m the same person whether I’m with one group or another. I’m developing a personality… but I still don’t know what I want.
I guess that’s the problem. Even right now, as I’m writing this, I don’t know what I want. So I’m unhappy. I mean, if i had a goal, some sort of plan, something to look forward to, maybe I’ll be a little bit happier?
Generally this year has been one heck of a roller coaster.
I hope to god that this coming holidays are the best of my entire life. It’ll kind of be our last good long holiday (considering I PASS MY EXAMS) because after next year there’s the whole next step in life thing which will mean holidays aren’t really holidays anymore.
After such a packed year, I really believe we/I deserve a good holiday and at least finish off the year with a big bang.
After all, I’ve given up so much to go on that tour my parents have planned, so it better be good.
On the bright side, in a couple of week’s time I’ll be halfway across the Earth absorbing sights I’ve never seen before in my life, paying in Euros, and spending time with my family.
Maybe I shouldn’t be feeling so down after all.
) then I’d like to wish everyone a good holiday! and for those who are travelling, travel safe.
