I am not a toy

   Posted by: laurane   in Random


My Blog is Alive!

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

Haha! There are still readers out there. Thank you! :D


2014 had started out pretty rough. And it’ll continue to be a tough month and a half coming up…

But I’m not a quitter.

So I might be a moody pile of negativity… and I would like to apologise for my behaviour ahead of time… but it will get better.

It will always get better.


Wrap up of 2013

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

Queen of procrastination proves herself once again. So much so that the “end-of-2013″ is being published in 2014. *applause*

Every year we say - Wow. This year passed by in a flash. It all went by so quickly. I feel like it happens faster and faster every single year!

So what have I achieved this year?


The Day Surgery Pharmacy opened early this year. It’s ‘My’ satellite pharmacy. I’m the in-charge. Sounds pretty cool actually. But… why do I feel like I haven’t done much for it? I didn’t set up the room, I can’t manage stocks in the pharmacy… All I’ve done is make sure the workflows work (and they haven’t really been working sometimes…). And I didn’t even come up with the original workflows to start with. Hm… Fail #1.

I survived a week of being ‘on-call’. That phone ringtone is something that will continue to bring chills down my spine every time I hear it. Well… next year it’ll be worse anyway. Working night-shift as the ONLY pharmacist in the entire hospital from 8pm-8am is NOT something I’m looking forward to. But has to be done.

I became a certified Quit Smoking Consultant. Sounds cool again. But really I’ve done only a handful of proper counselling sessions. And whether successful or not I’m not sure because I haven’t had the chance to follow up with them. :( what I do know though, is that I’ve taken on a lot of students and pre-regs and ran many tutorial sessions with them to teach them all there is to know about running a smoking cessation clinic. It’s like a newbie teaching a newbie. All talk, no action. Apparently those who have listened in think I’ve been doing this for a long time tho. Maybe I’m a good actress.

I started training to run Anticoagulation Clinics. Yep. I’m becoming a ‘clinician pharmacist’. At least that’s what it says under my ID when I log in to the prescribing system. I think they have to give me that fancy name to allow me to prescribe. I feel totally inadequate and Totally useless in the clinics right now… and totally unsure of everything I’m doing. But… It’s been month. 9 sessions. I’m working on it and I think I’ll be better.

I’ve taken on a few external talks. I think that’s the best part of my job this year. I get to take time off, and go out and talk/present on topics like travel medications and supplements to the general public and come across as the ‘professional’ in the topic. It’s exciting, and pretty awesome. :)
But becoming the more ’senior’ pharmacist at work just becomes more and more scary…

OK Lets get out of work and talk about more exciting things… I hope.


I’ve done a little bit of travelling… Back to Malaysia- As always, but this time for a couple of weddings. My family is finally growing up and my generation of cousins are finally getting married.

Travelled to Vietnam for a friend’s wedding, and was lucky enough to be part of her traditional ceremony.

Travelled to Taiwan with my family (minus my brother…) and managed to meet up with my high school best friend whom I haven’t met since… high school. It doesn’t sound a long time ago but it’s actually been 6 years!

Travelled back to the lovely Adelaide for my brother’s graduation and reminded myself why I loved that place, but at the same time, why I can’t live there forever.

And in terms of friendships and relationships… well I didn’t exactly make many new friends… but I learnt a little more about being in relationships. Gosh… they’re confusing things… and to be figuring that out at 25… I guess… Better late than never.

I learnt that religious beliefs is not something you can just swipe aside as it pretty much governs how someone views life.

I learnt that communication is key in anything. And where there is lack of communication, nothing will work.

I learnt that problems must be faced full frontal. Issues at work, issues with friends… you can’t just hide everything away. It will eventually come back and nip you in the bum. So Talk things out. If there’s a problem, work on it and figure it out because hidden problems will not solve itself.

Well… that’s all I have for now

What’s my plans for the next year?

1) Continue to grow at work. Although I feel like I’m being filled to the brim and overworked and being stuffed with too much till I can’t chew or swallow, I think I’m lucky enough to be in a work environment that encourages me to grow, learn, and continue improving myself. Do all I can while I can right? I’m still young and awesome!

2) Be a better person. Be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister and a better colleague… And to do that I’ll need to improve on so many things, but let’s start with 3:

1- Be less selfish
2- Be more hardworking (Less procrastination!)
3- Be more observant (it’s amazing how much you can learn about others if you just watch them)

3) Continue to travel! So many weddings to attend, so many people to meet… Looking forward especially to a primary school friends outing and to being a ’sister’ to the bride for the first time. :)
4) Get off my phone when there’s nothing important to do on it. Lol. But really. I spend way too much time on it doing absolutely nothing.

It might not look like much to others, It’s a lot to expect from myself… Hence they’re ‘plans’ and not ‘new years resolutions’. A rather cowardly act on my side. But it’s better than nothing.

Happy new year and have a wonderful 2014.


We all make mistakes to start off with.

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

Everything you do as its consequences. Sometimes I wish I knew what the consequences are before actually going about doing it. We can try our best to predict, but I guess most things come with experience or very good knowledge… 

For example:

Pharmacists who have been titrating Warfarin doses for years can make a decision to increase a dose, by how much, and when to re-test all within a minute, and have the patient come back often still healthy and well. And with luck and a compliant patient on your side- a therapeutic INR.

But if you’re new, you need to spend more time thinking about it, weighing the possible outcomes of each decision you make. And when time is cut short and you’re put in position where you have to make quick decisions, that lack of experience is going to bring you down. One wrong move, one wrong decision and your patient may end up in hospital in a few days time.(Touch wood. Just saying. That, of course would be the worst case scenario.) Often times though, a wrong decision would mean your patient comes back with a sub or supra therapeutic INR. And panic on your side to think about how to fix it. Often times it takes effort on both sides to fix things. They might not understand the need for you to do what you’re doing and while you are trying your best to fix things, they refuse to listen to you so all things don’t go as planned and they come back the next week still out of range! On the other hand, even if your patient is extremely compliant, and really listens to you and does as told, a wrong decision on your part isn’t going to work either.

Not sure if I’m making any sense here.

Point is- I’m feeling overwhelmed. And I keep on making mistakes, some of which have consequences that are more severe than others. The more mistakes you make the more thrown off track you’ll get and it gets to a point where you just want to throw in the towel and say - No More. I’m done.

But if you don’t make mistakes you don’t learn and if you don’t learn you don’t grow and you don’t improve. Afterall, that’s what ‘experience’ is isn’t it? You’ve seen it all, the good and the bad, and you’ll get better at dealing with mistakes or unfavourable consequences…  

So… take the blame, learn from your mistakes. Listen to others. Take things one at a time (although there isn’t much time for it :/ ) Sacrifice some sleep if you need to improve yourself and when you’re done- Feel accomplished.

Because you’re young and strong and if you dont mess up now, you may never get another chance.


Grave digging

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

I should Stop digging graves for myself. Too difficult to get out of.

If only real graves were this easy to dig.


What a day.

   Posted by: laurane   in Ramblings, Work experiences

I was tempted to say ‘eventful’ day… but the word ‘event’ tends to have a very positive connotation to it, and I wouldn’t want to suggest that.

It started off discovering mould on a piece of bread I was spreading jam on- It was meant to be breakfast. But it ended up in the bin. Somehow though I managed to get on the shuttle and got to work on time. Finally.

On the way to work I received some unexpected sad news from a close colleague. His sister had just passed away. I knew his sister wasn’t well, but I never thought it would end up like this. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him considering the context of our conversation when this cropped up… All I could say was that I’m sorry to hear that and I hope he and his family are alright. I hope I did the right thing.

When I finally made it to work some patient’s son was in the midst of a complain to my junior. She came in for help and I thought I’d help her since I was still pretty free then. But the questions she asked me… It’s like she hadn’t put in much thought into what he was saying yet. If you seek help, think it through first and then ask. I guess I kinda snapped at her a little. Not a good way to start the day. For her… I feel terrible. She later came back to apologize for having a bit of a panic moment. I thought I was the one who should be apologizing… Somehow I don’t think I did.

Met a lady who really knows how to get what she wants. When we told her we didn’t have the stocks (for one year!! 2000+ tabs of some uncommon drug, worth $6000+) she started raising her voice and saying that’s ridiculous. [No. What's ridiculous is the need for you to buy >1 year of stocks at one go.] So living up to the name of being “first in patient satisfaction survey” we tried to find out when stocks are coming whether we can expedite etc… (It was quite a bit of trouble) And suddenly she was one super nice woman.
Seriously. And I thought I was bipolar.

Lunch was at a ridiculously late 2:40pm today… I got stuck with a patient who was one of those that i guess.. just fell off the radar. I’m not sure what the plans are but on discharge they didn’t supply the meds, get them to come in 3 days later and was prescribed expensive meds which they can’t pay for and they didn’t even see a doctor in a proper clinic it was just the renal centre and it was all so confusing I didn’t know where to call or who to call or what to ask… I felt sorry for the makcik.. She should have had better treatment. Someone messed up somewhere. And all I had to say was “maaf ya makcik, esok lepas jumpa social service dulu baru balik sini ambik ubat… mesti bawa surat ya…” in my very broken malay.

Lone lunch again because it was so ridiculously late. Read/listened to some lyrics that made me rather sad… so I spent the lunch hour stoning away and picking at my food.

On a lighter tone, met some people with very interesting names today. Had an “Ah Beng” literally. And there really was one more that I wanted to share but I just hit a blank in my head. Too bad. Next time then.

On the bus home today I was nagging at my sis for sitting down while I stood next to her. She said she had a long tiring day and I was like “Ha. Really… You have a Desk job!” and pointed at my platform heels which I was standing in since 9am this morning! AAAnndd then!!! The guy next to her stood up!! and OMG I was so embarrassed.. Told him No no no no no I was just kidding. Please don’t stand… but he refused to listen and he got up. And really. Our bus stop was like 2 stops down the road. Seriously SO embarrassed. I wanted to hide but um… its a bus. I ended up NOT sitting anyway… so there was an empty seat next to sis the whole time, and then after we got off the poor guy went back to his seat ><
I want to climb into a hole.

Anyway. Writing this all down because I think I would explode if I didn’t. And with high hopes you’ll read it…

It’s been a long day… for more reasons than one. And I know someone who’s day was just as long, or most likely even longer than mine. I wish it were the weekend already.

The lingering headache is back again.


Back after a long hiatus

   Posted by: laurane   in Products of Procrastination, Random

Dear reader.

After a long time of being away due to my overwhelming disappointment that my pictures had disappeared I figured I should start writing again. Makes no sense to abandon a perfectly good blog just because the pictures are gone. I don’t need pictures. Right?

Then again, could just be all talk… I might not actually write after this one particular post.

Just thought I’d keep you people out there updated. I’m still alive, still feeling like a newbie pharmacist despite my almost 2 years experience, and doing well. As well as I can get anyway. :)

Work has changed so much since I started out. We’re now taking on students, pre-regs and more junior pharmacists into tutorials and discussions. We’re doing talks and lectures, we’re running clinics, we’re handling inpatient discharges as well as outpatient prescriptions. We’re managing stocks, bills, and pharmacy staff…

I never thought work would entail so much of the other stuff. When I decided to accept my letter to do a “Bachelor of Pharmacy” I thought at most I’ll be checking prescriptions, packing medicines and dispensing them. Maybe suggesting some supplements for those health conscious people. Not everything else that I’m doing now!

That being said I’m extremely grateful for the work that has been thrown at me. It helps me learn and grow and push harder. We all know I don’t just take on responsibility for things by myself… I’m not that kind. I need to be spoon fed most of the time. So… I’m quite glad to be overworked in a sick kind of way.

On a different note, this year has flown by too quickly. I’m at a bit of a loss realising it’s already November. What happened to the past 10 months???

Will promise to make the most of the last 2 months of the year. Spend more time with the people who matter a lot, spend more time actually learning things rather than wailing over the amount of things I DON’T know. Spend LESS time doing useless things (blogging doesn’t count! :P). Get more exercise and eat more healthy. (or is it healthily..?)

I need new running shoes.

And for my one avid reader right now- I hope you find this blog a window to my hidden past… but don’t judge ok? :)



Webshots has… Gone??

   Posted by: laurane   in Random


Webshots seems to have died. Or changed. Whatever. They can’t even find my email.


NO MORE PICTURES ON MY BLOG!! &*)@!(*&%@!^#$

I might as well get rid of it.


The one who’s left behind

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

I’ve always been the one who moves. Every few years I pack up and leave. Go to someplace new, some place exciting. We meet new people, we make new friends, we find a new lifestyle, a new routine… And people ask- don’t you miss home? Don’t you miss friends and family? Don’t you find it difficult to have to make new friends?

Truth is… It’s not too bad moving. Because everything you face is new, and exciting… You don’t give much thought about what you left behind. So many new things to explore, so many new friendships to make. So no, it’s not so hard to be the one who moves away. (Where is home anyway…?)

But what if you’re the one who got left behind? If a close friend picks up their bags and leave to someplace new and exciting. And they tell you they will miss you, but you’re the one stuck here.

The routines you used to share, the friends you used to hang out with, the places you used to go… Nothing has changed, except for one thing: The person isn’t here.

And that makes all the difference.

So which is harder?

To leave, or to be left behind?


New Year yet again

   Posted by: laurane   in Random

What’s a new year without a blog post? :)
I shall skip the apologies for not updating. After all, I doubt I still have readers or followers…

That being said…

Happy New Year! What a year it has been. 2012 has been more than kind. It has been amazing.

I’ve traveled. To UK, to France, to Philippines, to Thailand!!

I’ve become a pharmacist and a mentor a tutor to those on the way to becoming one.

I ran a half marathon!

I’ve met some amazing people and built new relationships.

And most of all my family and I have been mostly healthy and happy.

It’s been an eye opening journey and a whole new chapter in life. In a way I’m afraid of what 2013 will bring. I feel like I’ve done and experienced so much the new year will be disappointing…
And of course you’d say that’s silly. I still have plans to travel, I still have room to grow in my career, there’s a gazillion things in this world I haven’t done and felt and experienced.

2012 came and left and it seems that this is not yet the end of the world, so lets not let that stop us from making the most of life.

Wishing all my family, friends and readers a spectacular year 2013.